What Are The 10 Things You Must Do To Successfully Take The First Step To A Wonderful Relationship?

Today was another wonderful run of “Communication Between Men and Women: Exploring the Fine Art of He says, She Says” for the corporation. More sharing took place. It’s so much more fun and educational as the participants played an active role in the seminar’s success.

It’s often interesting to note that people are indeed curious about the opposite gender, yet seldom take the steps find out.

That eager moments before the big date saw you panicking and frantically wondering what to say. The inner thoughts start to go haywire and swim around your mind in a haphazard manner. Before long, it’s a series of negative images that keeps telling you, “you won’t impress, you won’t make it. You will fail… like before….”

Scary, isn’t it?

Just think, what if you do take time to find out more about the mysterious gender? What if you discover that the opposite gender is not that secretive after all? What if you know how to approach them or that person in the right and positive manner?

How much more good will it do for you? Lots of goodness, I must say.

In my private coaching and personal consultations with individuals, it is usually this first step that must always be taken and the inner barrier resolved first. The desire to learn more… about the opposite gender

Hence, what must you do then, in order to trod on the path to a wonderful relationship?

#1: You must develop the curiosity about the opposite gender. Cleverly curious, not drooling desperation here.

#2: You must be willing to let go of past paradigms that are ineffective. Here’s a hint, you’ll be surprised how things are not what they seemed to be… if you’re willing to let some of them go. Soon, you’ll discover that it’s not that mysterious.

#3: You must desire knowledge and discoveries about the opposite gender. It does require some studies. Work is needed. Talent is a bonus.

#4: You must notice the specific finer things about him or her that matters. Being hawk-eyed helps! A lot! You can do a lot more to improve relationships if you develop that keen sense of observation powers.

#5: You must be bold yet artful in your approach. Yup, a delicate balance here. A sense of how much is too much will take you a long way. And knowing a few tips to approaching that someone won’t hurt either.

#6: You must be willing to communicate with them. Hello… is a good start. Communication will open up doors for you. Effective communication, that is.

#6: You must be willing to laugh about any blunders that might happen in the course of relationship. So what if it doesn’t turn out the way it is. No big deal. Laugh it off, shrug it off, dust it off!

#7: You must be able to bounce back. Die hard and die harder applies here.

#8: You must stay positive, in personality and in outlook of life. Nobody wants to build a life-long relationship with a negative person who wallows in complains, criticism and grumblings.

#9: Ultimately, it accumulates to this: You must continuously learn and constantly improve yourself as a person. As more gender facts and relationships strategies are unearthed, you must keep upgrading yourself and be a better person. Besides merely learning, this action of yours actually makes you more attractive and appealing then ever.

It’s really your game. Your game to win if you want to. Take the first step. The first step to excel in your relationships. 🙂

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How To Overcome Shyness When Talking To People?

Had a jolly great time at today’s talk at a major corporation. It was one of my most popular seminars, “Communication Between Men and Women: Exploring the Fine Art of He says, She Says”. I especially enjoyed it when my audience responded with the various cheeky answers that brought bouts of laughter throughout the whole room.

One of the topics I touched on was the shyness factor. Very often, being too shy prevents effective communication and expressions of intended information. It also forms a barrier when you want reach out to others to date certain people or build a relationship.

On the other hand, I am not advocating abrupt boldness, barging into a room full of people and yelling at the top of your voice, “Hey, you! Yes, you cutie. I want to go out with you! Come here!” Although that might work sometimes, I am more for a balance and some awareness of what the situation demands.

Nonetheless, here are some thoughts on how to overcome shyness when talking to people.

1) Know that shyness is actually unnatural. When we were born a baby, we didn’t have a care about our nakedness or do we hide our wants for milk, for attention and affection. Shyness as a trait is acquired in our later growing days. It’s not something we are born with. So we don’t have to shy really, it’s not a natural part of us.

2) Understand that shyness is more of a play of your own mind, than the fact out there. Our mind often ‘play tricks’ on us, it can make us imagine things to be worse than what it really is. Get a grip of it. Shatter it’s myth and take control of your reality. Commit to push whatever images of ‘shyness’ out of your mind and replace it with a positive play of the outcome.

3) Create instant impact. There is power in approaching people instantly. It makes you look confident. Gets things going. And most of all, it does not allow you time to be shy.

4) Dress up to be your best. Your attire and dress does have the ability to make you feel confident. Once you look elegant, crisp and sharp, your natural confidence can also be brought out. The Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) concept of ‘anchoring’ applies here too. And you don’t even need to remind yourself that you are dressed to your best too. So why not let a no-brainer way puts you at your advantage?

5) Practice your approach often with different people. Get used to relating and communicating to others. There is no short cut to being competent here. Mere reading of articles here won’t turn you into a smootie smoochie. You’ve got to be the one doing your due diligence. (Drop me an email when you want additional easy and simple ways to effectively approach or open a conversation with others.)

Alright then, time to go off and prepare my next run of talk on gender communication. Will be back with more tips, strategies and ideas.

Meanwhile, excel more in your daily life. Cheers! 🙂

10 Key Reasons Why People Don’t Treasure The Things They Have

Ever give someone a gift and to your disappointment, it was merely left at a corner? Did you invite someone to an event only to have the person being absent despite numerous assurance of his attendance? What about those times where you notice people wouldn’t care less about certain things they own? How about that uneasy feeling that you were somewhat taken for granted as your effort and dedication didn’t seemed to be appreciated? What really happened to these things?

When we talk about the things, these things can refer to the tangibles, the intangibles, the inorganic, the organics. These may perhaps come in the form of a toy, a photograph, a plan, a bouquet of flowers, time, an emotion, a promise, a friendship, integrity, love, an insurance policy, a birthday gift, a Barbie doll, a medal, a degree, or even a life.

Why don’t people treasure the things they have? Here are the key reasons:

1)  It’s too cheap. It is obtained at the price they wouldn’t care. The cost is too neligable to mean anything. So what if they have wasted their money? It’ll never make a dent in their “fortune”.

2)  It’s free. Since it is freely given to them, it doesn’t matter if they spoil it, abuse it or lost it. They hardly care if they missed an important meeting that could change the rest of their lives. It’s free anyway…

3)  It’s not meaningful or purposeful to them. As it does not make sense to have it, why be bother with it? A present from a person whom they cannot relate to might be discarded as there is “no point in keeping junk.”

4)  There’s no value to it. It’s just not worth it. Not worth it’s weight in gold. Seen it has no value, it need not be treasured. ‘Nuff said.

5)  There is no pain involved. When the person does not feel the inner “Ouch!”, there is no external commitment.

6)  There’s no effort in getting it. As there’s no need to work for it, there’s no effort to obtain it. Then…. who cares?!!

7)  They feel no loss. Well, since they never had it in the first place, it’s no loss to them if it’s gone anyway. No vested interest. It’s merely back to square one. No big deal.

8)  They take it for granted. Oh… since they will get it no matter what, why should they care at all? Ever know people who behave as if they are immortals and will live forever? How about some who spend like there is no tomorrow?

9)  There is no depth of thought. The mentality is one of where people are thinking of “where ” to throw away rather than “How” to use it to their advantage.

10)  They have a lack of maturity, emotionally and rationally. Perhaps emotionally, some people have not learnt the art of appreciation  and the beauty of memory. Or poor emotional intelligence causes them to go into a bout of tantrum, insisting on their own willful ways, ignoring everything else.

Remember all these are just mere perceptions in the mind of the person owning these items. It does not imply that all things are useless. Neither does it mean that all things must be treasured equally. But the choices one makes does speaks of the mentality, the direction and the life’s focus of that individual.

May you treasure all the things that make your life worthwhile and those that help you excel in life!

6 Steps To Take When You Face A Conflict

Conflicts are inevitable and is part of life’s growing process. As long as we interact, there is always potential for conflict. Even if you isolate yourself, you might also be drawn into conflict, all without you needed to trigger it. Such is the complexities of life and the complications of emotions.

In the newspaper Today, there is an useful report that highlights what can be done when you are faced with a conflict. I’ll like to share the pointers with you:

Step 1: DEFINE THE PROBLEM
Create a clear picture in your mind of the particular conflict. It may help to write a detailed description, including the surrounding circumstances, what each of you said, the behaviors you observed and your thoughts.

Step 2: GATHER INFORMATION
Focus on ideas and procedures, not on emotions. Be sure you understand the facts behind the conflict. Do you and your peer have opposing strategies for achieving an objective? Think about your ideas and give your colleague’s ideas equal consideration.

Step 3: LOOK FOR DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVES
Find the missing link by seeking advice from those whose opinions and perceptions are different from your own. A trusted adviser may broaden your perspective on the situation.

Step 4: ENVISION A SOLUTION
Imagine how the conflict might play out, taking into consideration what you know about yourself, you have learned and observed, and your understanding of the problem.

Step 5: EVALUATE YOUR PLAN
Do your tactics for resolving the conflict match your values? Are you willing to disconnect from your emotions? Focus your conflict management plan on ideas and procedures.

Step 6: LEARN FROM YOUR EXPERIENCE
After you have resolved the conflict, debrief. Did you settle the issue? Did the process improve your relationship with your peer? If you cannot answer yes to both questions, you probably will experience more conflict and may need to try again

There you have it, the 6 steps to take whenever you face a conflict. Do remember to apply these steps so that you can work towards a better relationship.

May you Excel always!

What Are The Mega Powers Of Enthusiasm And How They Work To Help You Succeed.

I’ve always been wanting to write about enthusiasm. It’s the source that enables me to keep on training and giving talks after talks despite the very tight schedules. There are times where I experience clashes in the training bookings or even tough dilemma, yet this enthusiasm within keeps me on in resolving the various issues.

To me, it is the life-force of Wekie Tay.

Over the many years as a public speaker, trainer and consultant, I have reflected and reviewed this driving force. I realized that enthusiasm is not just a mere force on its own, but it brings along a series of other powers and effects.

In fact, so powerful is enthusiasm that it is actually a mega-power. A power dynamo that begets other powers. Some of the other powers that enthusiasm produce are:

The Power of Passion

The Power of Persistence

The Power to Overcome

The Power to Charm

The Power of Energy

The Power to Infect.

The Power of Growth.

The Power of Creativity.

The Power of Life. Refuses to die.

The Power to Make a Difference.

The Power To Excel Beyond Excellence. While some people can excel, being enthusiastic gives the rare few the ability to excel beyond.

How To Minimize The Shock And Depression When Delivering Tragic News?

Life is filled with unexpected events. When these events comes with a negative twist, they shock us and render us out of sorts. If tragic situations occur, people panic and often fall into emotional despair. That sudden strike of desperation drives people to their mental edge. Without proper communication, relation and support, breakdown soon sets in.

In my training and coaching sessions, I often work with coaches, counselors, consultants, trainers and speakers (CCCTS) on how to handle such circumstances in their own professional duties. These raw emotions and incidents do break out from time to time and may even catch the help-givers off guard. Being prepared and being vigilant is definitely a requirement not to be undermined.

When the tragic news are brought out into the open, it is our job to assist the person to accept the facts better. We should also further guide them to eventually self-manage their emotions and resources as far as realistically possible.

As there are different types of news with varying levels of shock and severity, there are, correspondingly, several steps we can employ to break the news to them. These steps are called Delivery Tracks. They form a series of steps or tracks when news are delivered in order to be as positive as possible to the affected persons.

The following delivery track is one of the method. It is generic in nature and can be slightly revised to fit the response of the affected.

A standard pre-requisite is that the news must be delivered by a strong minded person with positive outlook. The more tragic the news is the tougher his mental dexterity and rationality is. Yet the irony is that he or she must also be gifted with an empathic touch to the affected person.

The recommended Delivery Track or steps are as follows:

Step 1: Sound the person out, making sure the person is in sound and rational mind.

Step 2: State or hint beforehand that the news might be something uncomfortable or uneasy for him or her to bear. The aim is to get the person mentally and emotionally prepared for the news.

Step 3: Start from the peripheral setting/circumstance before going to the core incident. This allows the person to understand the progress of event, hence enabling the tragedy more understandable as a result of consequential comprehension. (ie, the ability to understand and appreciate how things happen.)

Step 4: As you deliver the news, remember to tone down the words but not missing out on the facts. It’s a very fine balance at this point. Here, your communication and counseling skills will be put to test.

Step 5: Check the acceptance level of the person before revealing the issue bit by bit. You have to be well-equipped with people reading skills, allowing you to calibrate and match the other party.

Step 6: Offer a better and positive way of looking at things whenever possible. I would like to say all the time, however, not every can think of a new refreshing perspective just off the cuff.

Step 7: Round up the news delivery by committing to be there for the person. Present any solutions or support you may have and catering to the person’s needs. And you must mean what you say.

Step 8: Offer the person an opportunity to be counseled or coached after the deliver of message and news.

Step 9: Follow up regularly to ensure acceptance rate and availability of social support.

While it’s always hoped that tragedies will never happen, the life truth is often one of eventuality than possibility. Our social coping strategies must always be sound and catered for the affected party.

The solace and comfort we can take is that with every challenges, setback and obstacles we brave in life, we grow in strength and in character. This makes us so much more apt and equipped to excel beyond excellence.

Why You Must Maximize The Power Of A Gaze

Last night was wonderful. The participants, although new to each other, were interactive and responsive. An interesting concept as in the making as they took part in the Speed Gazing Party.

At this social development function, I was the Guest Speaker to evaluate of their ‘gaze’ and present the session “Master Your Body Language”. We had a gregarious and fun time.

Ideas and tips were shared as much as possible with the hour. Some of the participants I spoke to after the event told me they enjoyed the easy to use flirting signals, Indicator of Interest (I.O.I.) and the Give and Take (G and T) methods.

In this context, a gaze is neither a quick glance nor a stare. An intentional blank stare into space doesn’t make the cut here either. It is an intended look into the eyes of another person that goes deep into the human psyche. It is essential to enhancing relationships in various forms, privately and publicly.

Why, then, is a gaze so important and essential in communication, making friends, building relationships, giving presentations and public speaking? What makes a gaze so powerful when well displayed?

1) It portrays confidence. Confidence must be there if you want others to trust you and follow your lead.

2) It reveals the character within. The famous saying, ‘eyes are the window to the soul’ tells all. You can look into the inner self of others as well as allow your positive traits and sincerity be known to others.

3) It connects people to you. The eyes are bridges to connection. The deeper you can connect, the better and stronger your relationship is.

4) It calms the mind and hearts of people. A simple smiling gaze bring peace and serenity to the other person. Used in various ways, it soothes the aching heart and the desperate desires.

5) It helps you get your message through effectively. This is the essence of communication. If your points and ideas don’t get through, why bother to communicate or relate?

6) It allows you to persuade and influence people much more easily. A well-placed look allows you to maximize your ability to change minds in your favor. It simply makes people believe you and take your words for it.

As you relate to the next person you meet or the next group of audience, do remember the power of a gaze. It’s essential for relationships and communication.

Look well. 😀 Be well to excel!

What Humor Really Is

In our daily communication and speaking, we encounter humor. That sudden chuckle or a burst of laughter. It never fails to lighten up our day.

It can be a very solemn occasion, but that mere utter of a witty word or punchy phrase changes the entire mood. In fact, humor is still a “mystical” study that even till now, scholars of communication still are unable to fully understand how certain could really lead to such a reaction that we term humor. People know how to use it, but when it comes to narrating how humor works, your definition is as good as mine.

Perhaps humor is that vagueness in words or body language that leads to another possible interpretation and potential misunderstanding. Or maybe its that sudden twist that trigger a reminder of things we are familiar with. Some say that if you can truly explain humor, it wouldn’t be humor any more. So much for clarified ambiguity. 😀

No matter what, you can be sure of one thing. Humor do mean something. If a person can laugh, smile and giggle , it must mean something.

Humor is really a connection with your audience.

If you can make them laughter, you have connected with them. They have accepted you as their own and have accepted your invitation to step into your world. The universe that you have created… in your speeches and presentations.

In general terms, the creation of humor may be intentional or unintentional. Both say something about your speech and your personality.

1)  If the humor you related was funny and you got arousing laughter, then it is intentional. You have, hence, crafted your speech well.

2)  If the humor was unintentional, off-the-cuff, and you truly know you did not expect it, then it is your charisma and personality that helped you.

3)  If the audience started to react the way you want, then it means you have build enough rapport in your speeches. You have just earned the right to influence your audience with your sincerity and truthfulness. That is some character indeed. The audience’s trust and willingness to do as you told reflect your level of positive rapport.

The next time you hear a laughter or a chuckle or two, immediately study how did you managed to create that segment of humor. Discover the magic of the mystery and the key to breaking down the walls of indifference.

Humor is really your connection with people. Really… It’s no joke.

An Important Focus On Self-focused Speeches and Audience-focused Speeches

As I work on the notes for the upcoming training courses and my coaching for presentations, certain thoughts are brought to mind… again.

Very often, the professionals and individuals I coach ask me a common question, “Where do I focus my attention on when speaking?”

In fact, there are a number of different types of focuses in speeches. (You will be surprised to learn what they are.) But at this moment I’d like to focus (ahem, pun intended) on two of the key types: The Self-focused Speeches and Audience-focused Speeches.

Here’s a quick list of the attributes and effects of self-focused speeches versus audience-focused speeches.

Self-focused Speeches:

**  The nervousness could amplify if not expertly controlled.

**  More concerned with getting the information out than audience reaction.

**  Usually deals with full accuracy and details of topic, especially technical ones.

**  Draws character from within self.

**  Tends to tax on memorizing ability and rehearsed  competency.

**  Own self’s ideology is reinforced.

Audience-focused Speeches:

**  Can sense the audience mood and energy.

**  Able to be cater speech to the audience.

**  Tend to forget about nervousness as audience becomes the main draw of the attention.

**  Gels and interacts better with audience.

**  Tends to be more flexible in contents of speeches.

** Generate new flow of thought as the audience reacts to you.

**  Influence the audience more artfully

Now, which will you focus on for your next speech?

Apparently, many of you will conclude that it’s better to be audience-focused than self-focused. Yes, this is the more obvious answer. Being aware of your intended focus allows you to craft your speech with that orientation.

Then again, who’s to say you can’t strike a fair balance, if you know how to focus… on excelling!

Why Is Having New Members So Crucial To Your Organization’s Survival?

In any organization, it is always very important to bring in new members. The following reasons serve as reinforcements and reminders for us to pay attention to having new members in whichever social group you are in, including Toastmasters Clubs.

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To the organizers and executive committee, having new members will:

* reinforce commitment

* develop a sense of pride

* instill leadership qualities and capabilities

* inculcate a sense of ownership

* having choice and quality successors

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To the organization itself, having new members will:

* allow it and its program to renew freshness

* maintain sufficient its running fund and cashflow

* receive and work on new ideas

* perpetual its ideologies and mission for existence

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To the members, having new members means:

* having an ever expanding network of support

* can reach out to new expertise

* constantly challenged to improve themselves and each other

* keep on learning and taking on responsibilities

* the get-together events remain fun and are constantly interesting to be with each other

* develop a sense of belonging.

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Overall, a constant influx of new members also helps to sustain the organization, poising it to excel beyond excellence!