Archive for October 2007

Your 3 Best Defenses Against The Tough Negotiators

October 16, 2007

Today was another successful and intensive run of the very popular “Effective Negotiation Skills”. All the learning and sharing with the participations have created more in-depth understanding of the various negotiation situations. Laughter and smiles kept coming on. I’ve enjoyed it. Thanks, ladies and gentlemen. You are the shining examples of eager learners.

In the session, we discussed on the handling of really tough negotiators. And by tough, I do mean those big burly types. Those that make your hearts tremble.

Therefore, in a quick summary, here are your 3 best defenses against these tough negotiators:

1. Sincerity from the Heart. A true desire to work towards a win-win partnership. If the other party cannot recognize it, it’s their losss.

2. Strong Mind and Character. You can never say enough about this. After all, negotiation success hinges on your mental dexterity and the personality that follows.

3. Sharp Awareness of the various negotiation tactics and techniques, both ethical and unethical alike. This is where continuous learning will give you the massive advantage. It puts you in the driver’s seat of the negotiation process.

How To Keep Your Passion For Your Work?

October 15, 2007

The workplace can be a place of growth or a place of growls. No matter what, it is a place where you are building a career at. Hence it always pays to maintain the passion for it.

1. Keep insisting on focusing on the positives

2. Realize you have a choice in the way you see things

3. Talk it out with a respected mentor

4. Build up on your relationship and people skills

What Is The Essence And Connection of Your Mind Over Your Body? 7 Proven Facts For Your Thoughts

October 14, 2007

Yesterday was a grand festive occasion and holiday for my Muslim friends. It was Hari Raya Puasa. This day is special. Muslims all over the world celebrate the end of the month long fasting.

According to one of my friends, the fasting to them is a test of their faith and a way of cleansing. Indeed, it’s never an easy task to resist such worldly temptations… what’s more for an entire month, that’s 30 days. As what he says, “it takes a whole lot of mind over body…”

I, too, have long been reflecting on issues of the essence and connection of the mind over the body. The various things I have worked on and the goals I have fulfilled were very much results of my exertion of mind over the body.

After years of my research, experimentations and interviews with people, here are some factual conclusions:

1. The mind is truly able to control the body.

2. Your level of control directly depends on the level of mental dexterity of your mind.

3. What your mind focuses on, your body gives in to it.

4. Faith and Belief in your own mental capability plays a vital role in its success.

5. Constant mental exercises and exertions practice will improve your control over time.

6. To expand your mental control over your body, you have to expand your lifestyle too.

7.  In the struggle of internal control versus environmental dictatorship, the stronger mind and the tougher character will win.

Hence, the ultimate control of the mind over the body builds the foundation for one’s true achievement, the way to excel beyond excellence.

7 Top Qualities You Must Have To Effectively Improve Your Work Place

October 12, 2007

Today’s seminar was a blast! I had just completed 3 intensive days of workshop on “Work Improvement Team Training”. This is otherwise known as WITs. Having further explored with the participants various Thinking, Analyzing and Planning (TAP) tools, we embarked on various projects to improve things around us at the work place.

What I truly enjoyed about conducting the training was the enthusiasm and excitement generated by the participants. Well done and my appreciation to all of you!

In addition, I shared with them about the qualities they must have to effectively improve their work place:

1. The belief in the need for continuous improvement.

2. Having a keen eye in noticing and knowing changes, both at work and in general trends.

3. Be sharp in thinking to know what changes has taken place and what to change.

4. Be creative in knowing how to implement the solutions.

5. Possess critical thinking skills to better analyze, critic and evaluate (ACE) the results.

6. Gain the support of your superiors and the management to carry out the proposed improvement.

7. Possess the ability to lead and influence your team members.

When you truly and earnestly strive to improve, the environment will reciprocate by allowing you to better perform in your career. After all, your work place is designed for you to excel beyond excellence!

How Does The Window Period Of Receptivity Exist In Your Courtship And What Can You Do To Make The Best Of It?

October 11, 2007

Through a number of my DARE: Dating, Attraction and Relationship seminars, I mentioned about the existence of “The Window Period Of Receptivity”. It is a period where the person is more receptive of you and strongly considers having you as a romantic partner or love interest in his or her life. And… if you miss it, you’ve lost it. (unless you know what to do to get it back, of course.)

Some of the participants ask if this is based on a certain time. Well, while we often think of period in terms of time, it is actually more accurately based on the willingness of the heart and thoughts of the mind. Hence, defining it as a month or ten weeks is not the best way to indicate such a period.

How does such a period exist?

1. The Mind thinks in possibilities.

2. The Mind becomes open to people from time to time.

3. The Mind loves the challenge of the unknown.

Of course, this is followed by the need to make the best of this Window Period of Receptivity

Only one note: If you like him or her, Grab it! Stop hesitating, just grab it.

How To Use “The Present” Well?

October 10, 2007

I was evaluating speeches at my own NUS Toastmasters club a week ago. Xue Ling presented this speech project. It was thought provoking. In addition, she has improved much as a speaker and increased her confidence as she presents her projects. Thanks very much, Xue Ling, for sharing with us how to use the present well.


 “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is mystery, today is a gift, that’s why we call it the Present.” We can cherish or regret our yesterdays, we can dream or fear our tomorrows, but we can only live our today. The only thing that we truly have control over is the moment we are in now.

The present, also known as Now, is perhaps the best gift you can ever give t o yourself, because of all the gifts you might receive, you’ll find this present the most valuable one of all.

Up till now, I believe that many of us are aware of the importance of the power of Now. However, how many of us or the people around are practicing such powers, to truly say they have enjoyed the present?

Hence in my speech, I shall elaborate on three aspects of The Present, namely Being, Reflecting and Planning. I strongly believe that by using the Present wisely, you can be happier and thus more able – to do, to decide, to concentrate, to plan and to adapt- most of all to enjoy all the good things that life has to offer.


Being or to be in the present, is focusing on what’s right now, and what’s RIGHT now. By doing so, you can become highly alert and aware of what you have doing at the very moment. Practice this by taking any routine activity in your everyday life. When you are washing your hands, pay close attention to all the sense perceptions associated to this activity, such as the feel and sound of the water; the movement of your hands; the scent of the soap and so on.

Moreover, having a clear and definite purpose is important too. This will ensures you a certain degree of peace that you can feel within. Thus next time if you want to be happy and successful, remember the word “Being”


After you have mastered the secret of “Being”, there will still exist times when you would be disappointed or unsatisfied with what you have in the present. This can happen when a similar situation that occurred in the past, repeats itself again in the present. Like the past, you are still at wits; end to handle the problem.

It is time that you should go into the past, analyzed what you did wrong at that time, draw valuable lesson from it. Finally apply what you have learnt to the current situation, in order to better improve the present.

For instance, if you’re a student and you make a mistake in your homework, don’t just leave it at that. Find out where you went wrong straight away. Otherwise, you are very likely to repeat it in the examinations. In short, constantly reflect on your past when you want make the Present better than the past.


You life doesn’t stop at living to the fullest each day nor constantly learning from the past. Instead your life begins only when to start to have dreams and aspirations on what you inspired to be in the future. Thus planning for the future comes in to the picture. Though you can set all the fantastic goals you want, you won’t achieve them unless you come up with a plan sand schedule your time so that you will know when to do what.

Firstly, paint a picture of what a wonderful future you would like to see in your mind. Secondly, do the necessary planning to make it happen. Lastly, get yourself to take the consistent action everyday, to produce the great results.

All this will guarantee you to make the future better than the Present.

The Present

1. Being: focus on what is RIGHT NOW. Use your purpose to respond to what’s important now.

2. Reflecting: look at what happen in the past. Learn something valuable from it. Do things differently in the Present.

3. Planning: to see what a wonderful future would look like. Make plans to help it happen and put your plan into action in the Present.

Remember you only exist in the eternal now. Use the Present well to enjoy the present.

The 6 Levels Of ‘Uniqueness’ In Your Relationship: What Your Partner And You Must Not Do Without

October 9, 2007

Had a massively, humongous “WOW!” time at tonight’s seminar. I had been looking forward to this night when I conduct the training on “Communication Between Men and Women: Exploring the Fine Art of “He Says, She Says”.

At the packed seminar, I loved it when the crowd went crazy with their willingness to participate, to share and to have fun. I also am glad that the tongue-in-cheek humor and running gags were reciprocated with hilarious hearty laughs. It was a smooth sailing educational and entertaining event. That’s what I call “Edutainment” !

To the organizers, you have done extremely well to bring this event to the National University of Singapore (NUS) students. And to the participants, all of you deserve more OOOooooo Yeah! and Cheers for being so willing to learn and improve yourself. Thanks very much for being present.

In the seminar, I did mention about the concept of uniqueness in a relationship, especially that special relationship. It carries a certain weight in the hearts and minds of the couple. Hence, what does it really mean to have real uniqueness in your relationships?

In reality, there are 6 levels. They go from the most disconnected of an individual to the merging of two entities as one body:

Level 1: Being able to pick up something unique about that person.

Level 2: Being able to share and relate what is unique about yourself to that person.

Level 3: Being able to engage in dates and activities that are unique to both of you.

Level 4: Being able to live a life that is unique and exclusive to both of you.

Level 5: Being able to derive feelings that are unique, exclusive and only mutual to both of you.

Level 6: Being able to have both of you ultimately merge as ONE ENTITY.

Which level are you at now for whatever relationship you are in? If you are not in it, why not work to prove on the levels?

You must truly work on building the uniqueness of the relationship. It does take some find tuning but both of you must always be willing to communicate better with each other. It is only when both are connected by that uniqueness where both of you can excel beyond excellence as one!

How You Can Speak With Confidence? 10 Proven Ways To Take Your Speaking Skills Higher Than Ever!

October 7, 2007

I’ve always enjoyed sharing about confidence. It’s such a simple concept yet so difficult to apply. (from what the audience shared, at least) It’s especially more so when applied to public speaking. Many people do comment that the image of possible humiliation by the audience do “bug” them. Others are simply at a loss for words to describe that lack of confidence.

Yesterday at my talk, we addressed that issue. “How to Speak With Confidence?” turned out to be fun (and I mean extremely) and very interactive. The audience went crazy and they cheered for the speakers like they were superstars!

The lack of confidence is really an issue of focus. Whenever people “suffer” from a lack of confidence, it’s because they have been focusing things like:

How do I say?

What do I say next?

Will the audience laugh at me?

What if I fail?

How will they look at me?

Where I am going my face?

How am I going to face others in future?

All these are not really questions of resources; they are mere Expressions of Incompetency under the guise of questions. Questions of Resources MOVE you FORWARD, not stifle you with worse outcomes.

On top of this, it’s the past Patterns of Negative Habits at work. These patterns are results of negative culture, behaviors and observations of others. Hence, the mind goes into a vicious Cycle of Beliefs. One major cycle of beliefs is as follows:

”I’ve seen lousy speakers à the audience were bored à the audience insulted the speaker à the speaker was humiliated à he is lousy à therefore if I speak, the same will happen à it has happened before so it will happen again à the audience will be bored à they will humiliate me à I will be hurt à I don’t want to be hurt à I don’t want to hurt forever à since I am so lousy therefore I shall not speak à why? Because I have seen lousy speakers à (Back to the beginning of the cycle)”

As the cycle goes on, the Beliefs will be come more solidified and reinforced in the mind as The Truth. The Cycle of Beliefs will thus be practiced as Cycle of Behaviors. And over time, it becomes a Cycle of Habit.

All these are results of a person going Down-time, meaning they focus way too much on themselves that their internal dialogue. A more useful way is to be Up-time, where you should focus more on the external and surround elements.

 Hence, in order to truly speak with confidence, you can apply the following points:

1. Break the pattern of negative habits.

2. Focus on your audience, not what they think of you.

3. Focus on your message for your audience.

4. Focus on the higher values for your audience.

5. Understand that the speech it’s for your audience, not you.

6. Speak for your audience, it’s not you. Craft your speech to their listening ears and curious sight.

7. Establish your credibility.

8. Earn their respect.

9. Shape their mind and hearts when you’ve got credibility and earn their respect.

10. Inspire them to the higher purpose.

Public speaking with confidence is a continuous path of learning and growing. Work on the points by applying them in your next speech. Take yourself further as you excel beyond excellence!

8 Lessons On The Emotions Of Selling To Help You Sell Easily

October 7, 2007

On the same Friday evening, after I had completed my day-time negotiation training, I was rushing to another venue. It was about 40 minutes before my next session begins. This time, my talk and training was on “Dynamic Selling Skills”.

As what I usually tell my participants, selling is like a brother or sister (depending on your gender preference) to negotiation. Both go hand in hand and have common areas. Yet, they feature their own procedure and strategies. You will be much more empowered when you have one to compliment with the other.

In the room-packed dynamic selling session, we had demonstrations of the process of selling and I showed them how they could artfully fit into what their clients want with ease. It was definitely educational and empowering. The training was also uplifting as participants took to the exercises and activities. Those were the keys to make selling simple, yet effective.

To set the stage right, I shared with the participants to sell easily, they must (emotionally) understand that selling comes from the heart first.

I shared with them some of the lesson on the emotions of selling. These lessons are meant to help them sell easily:

1.) It’s not about what you know, it’s about who you trust.

2.) It’s not just about who you trust, it’s also about who you like.

3.) It’s not only about who you trust and like, it’s about what you ultimately feel in your heart.

4.) Selling is also about what you stand for emotionally.

5.) It’s not merely what you stand for, it’s about how do you fit into what your clients stand for emotionally.

6.) When what you stand for fit into what they stand for emotionally, and they like you, trusting you in the process, you’ve got an open mind who will take in whatever you suggest or recommend.

7.) In selling, you want to suggest, recommend and share, instead of just pushing your products and services. Why? Simple. Because no one feels good about it.

8.) Ultimately, selling easily and effectively requires you to emotionally connect with your clients in all levels. And make them feel positive about it.

The next time you meet up with your client, strive to connect on the emotionally level first. Use the points and lessons above to move the selling process step-by-step.

You will find that selling becomes more of an ease than a chore. With practice, you will evolve to become a seller who excels beyond excellence.

How To Absolutely Minimize Your Risk When You Use Negotiation Tactics?

October 7, 2007

Negotiation is really a game of wits and composure. Advantage goes to the side that is more prepared and ready to handle the invisible and the inevitable. That’s why when we embark unto the study of negotiation tactics, we stay vigilant and take heed of the risk that follows.

Two days ago, on Friday, I completed the course on “Effective Negotiation Skills”. I loved it! It was fun as always!  😀

This class was an additional run as the original negotiation class was already fully signed up. I could not take in any more participants in the previous run. Therefore I had to open up a couple more classes to meet with the demand for this course of mine.

As with each class, the dynamics are different because the participants have changed. Hence personalities changed. The jokes are new, the laughter occurred at different triggering moments.

However, the message remained the same when it comes to the segment on negotiation tactics: The risk.

Please understand that for every single tactics used, there is always a risk:

a) the risk of being found out

b) the risk of backfiring

c) the risk of the loophole or the gap

d) the risk of worsening

Hence, we must be able to take the following steps in reducing such risk as much as possible:

1.) Get yourself mentally prepared as much as you can. Confidence here is crucial especially in moments before you step into the negotiation room.

2.) Plan for what you know and plan for what you don’t know. You can never discount the merits of planning. And when I say planning, I do mean Plan A, Plan B, Plan C, and others.

3.) Check against your own ethics, principles, values and beliefs (EPVB) whenever you want to use any of the tactics. If the tactics is against them, don’t use it.

Psychologically speaking, should any tactics used be in conflict or disagreement with your own EPVB, you will be unable to use them to its full effect. In addition, there is the risk of the loophole to deal with. Being in conflict within, your body does not allow you to fully convince the other party. Hence a more experienced and eagle-eyed negotiator will be able to detect such loopholes.

4.) Get a fellow negotiator to back you up emotionally. Pep talks are also important and extremely useful. The importance of psyching yourself up before the meeting is not to be discounted. Have your friend use positive words to keep your perspective in the motivated realm.

5.)  Find a balance between eagerness and calmness. Too eager a negotiator will open up too many loopholes while being too calm depicts the lack of emotional connect with the other party. Balance and timing of it is utmost essential.

6.) Train yourself to think fast under pressure. Negotiation is an extremely dynamic game. It changes course when you least know it. You must therefore act accordingly and switch your language when needed.

7.) Watch out for the triggering point, the tipping point and the balance of power (Trig, Tip, Balance) during negotiation. Quickly decide if the tipping scale is more in your flavor, in their favor or a middle point for both parties. Be ready to change tactics at that instance if you have to.

8.)  Never take the results too seriously. Whatever the outcome, you are there to do a job. And it’s job. Never let the “goodness” or “badness” of the negotiation affect your personal life. Remember you have a life. Realize that you must move on no matter what. Learn from it and add the lesson to your negotiation arsenal in readiness of your next negotiation meeting.

9.) Get experience in negotiation. Experience helps you to sharpen your thoughts and understand the different personalities as well as various settings. On the other hand, never let experience stifle you nor stop you from being tactically creative on your next round.

10.)  Work with a negotiation mentor to improve. If you don’t have, get one. It’ll shorten the learning curve so much and you have so much more to benefit from your mentor’s guidance.

Run through the sequence with your mentor after the negotiation. An experienced negotiator will be able to pinpoint to you the possible gaps or loopholes of the negotiation. He or she will also highlight to you where did the shifting of power occur during the process. Take your mentor’s advice where possible and apply it.

Learn fervently from the trainings you have received. Maximize your learning to minimize your risk. In this way, you will excel as a negotiator. Make yourself THE Negotiator, the one who always excel beyond excellence!