Archive for the ‘Dating Dynamics’ category

How You Can Work Out A Delicate Relationship

October 21, 2007

As we know it, relationship has its ups and downs. When it’s in the downs, some seem to experience the “falling out of love” emotion.

Here are some ways to help you work out such delicate times:

1. Remember that feelings are hard to control, it can sometimes overwhelm us. Never underestimate the power of emotions.

2. When you want to confront the issues, be prepared for whatever consequences or outbursts that follows.

3. Be open to yourself first. Figure out what may need changing.

4. With your partner, agree to discuss this amiably and objectively. Now together, figure out what else needs to change.

5. Take on responsibility personally and for your relationship together.

6. Give it time if need be. Seek the fine balance between rushing the issue and letting emotions be sorted out.

7. Seek a breakthrough with destructive behavior and patterns. Get yourself free from those gripping obsessions.

8. Communicate with each other in positive way, regularly.

9. Remember why both of you were together in the first place. Relive those emotions and commit to each other again.

10. Get advice from a mentor. It’s perfectly alright to ask for opinions.

The quality of relationships is one of the keys to our personal happiness. Make your relationship one of the areas where you can excel beyond excellence in.

How Does The Window Period Of Receptivity Exist In Your Courtship And What Can You Do To Make The Best Of It?

October 11, 2007

Through a number of my DARE: Dating, Attraction and Relationship seminars, I mentioned about the existence of “The Window Period Of Receptivity”. It is a period where the person is more receptive of you and strongly considers having you as a romantic partner or love interest in his or her life. And… if you miss it, you’ve lost it. (unless you know what to do to get it back, of course.)

Some of the participants ask if this is based on a certain time. Well, while we often think of period in terms of time, it is actually more accurately based on the willingness of the heart and thoughts of the mind. Hence, defining it as a month or ten weeks is not the best way to indicate such a period.

How does such a period exist?

1. The Mind thinks in possibilities.

2. The Mind becomes open to people from time to time.

3. The Mind loves the challenge of the unknown.

Of course, this is followed by the need to make the best of this Window Period of Receptivity

Only one note: If you like him or her, Grab it! Stop hesitating, just grab it.

The 6 Levels Of ‘Uniqueness’ In Your Relationship: What Your Partner And You Must Not Do Without

October 9, 2007

Had a massively, humongous “WOW!” time at tonight’s seminar. I had been looking forward to this night when I conduct the training on “Communication Between Men and Women: Exploring the Fine Art of “He Says, She Says”.

At the packed seminar, I loved it when the crowd went crazy with their willingness to participate, to share and to have fun. I also am glad that the tongue-in-cheek humor and running gags were reciprocated with hilarious hearty laughs. It was a smooth sailing educational and entertaining event. That’s what I call “Edutainment” !

To the organizers, you have done extremely well to bring this event to the National University of Singapore (NUS) students. And to the participants, all of you deserve more OOOooooo Yeah! and Cheers for being so willing to learn and improve yourself. Thanks very much for being present.

In the seminar, I did mention about the concept of uniqueness in a relationship, especially that special relationship. It carries a certain weight in the hearts and minds of the couple. Hence, what does it really mean to have real uniqueness in your relationships?

In reality, there are 6 levels. They go from the most disconnected of an individual to the merging of two entities as one body:

Level 1: Being able to pick up something unique about that person.

Level 2: Being able to share and relate what is unique about yourself to that person.

Level 3: Being able to engage in dates and activities that are unique to both of you.

Level 4: Being able to live a life that is unique and exclusive to both of you.

Level 5: Being able to derive feelings that are unique, exclusive and only mutual to both of you.

Level 6: Being able to have both of you ultimately merge as ONE ENTITY.

Which level are you at now for whatever relationship you are in? If you are not in it, why not work to prove on the levels?

You must truly work on building the uniqueness of the relationship. It does take some find tuning but both of you must always be willing to communicate better with each other. It is only when both are connected by that uniqueness where both of you can excel beyond excellence as one!

5 Essential Insights To Boost Up Your Relationship And Social Life

October 1, 2007

I was into very in-depth sharing at “What Women Want” yesterday. The participants were eager to learn and discover more of how the other gender think, react and behave. They paid attention and took notes when various insights were revealed.

(And for those who might be curious, this is a private workshop strictly for men only, as opposed to the other one I conducted last week strictly for women only.)

At the end of it, the men walked away with lots of specific strategies and ways to enhance their social life, build better relationships and appreciate the people in their lives.

Hence, one must understanding that when it comes to relationships and social life:

1. It’s truly about being a better man.

2. Every relationship we ever had can make us a better man… if we learn from it.

3. The truth about relationship is often not what we usually think or believe, socially or culturally. So be prepared to be challenged, to discover and to improve. (You will truly be surprised at how the real dynamics of relationships work for you.)

4. You have to let go of the past in order to move towards the future.

5. It’s not about having a perfect relationship, it’s more about having a better relationship than before.

Key Tactics For Attracting People Into Your Life

September 24, 2007

Had several in-depth discussions and sharing at the “What Men Want” workshop yesterday. For those of you who have not heard of the workshop, it’s a relationship and attraction session strictly for ladies only. It was definitely fun as we go about setting specific directions and strategies to improve the ladies’ life.

Upon reflection and further arrangement, here are several key thoughts about attraction:

* When you want to attract a lion, dangle the meat in front of him, not the vegetable.

* Whoever you want to attract in your life, be that person first.

* Be ready to socialize to have a social life.

7 Keys On How You Can Better Communicate With The Opposite Gender

September 7, 2007

It was the final run of the corporation’s “Communication Between Men and Women” today. For these couple of weeks, I have been moving around the organization’s different bases to give this series of talks.

I got to make many new friends and notice new awareness with the audience. Indeed, this is ever a mystery topic, yet so interesting to explore.

To summarize, there are some keys to apply in your communication with the other gender:

1. You must first be comfortable in your own skin. An acknowledgment of your own gender and its traits goes a long way. The recognition of the differences between men and women allows you to take pride in who you are and respect the others.

2. To communicate better with the opposite gender, you must truly overcome your own shyness. Be it cultural or psychological, shyness tends to make one feel restricted in expression.

3. Communicating with the other gender must be a regular practice. It should not be seen as a sudden need or come across as “being forced to talk”. This will only backfire as it becomes fakeness. You must commit to apply your communication skills every day.

4. Remember, sincerity helps. It should not be perceived as an intention to exploit just because you are now much more relational to others. If there be any ill-will or motive, the others will stay away from you.

5. Add in your bridging sentences to connect with them. Remember your “I appreciate you. May I …” and “I am here, listening and understanding…”. Form bridges to cross into their world.

6. Pay attention to display positive body language. Nothing irritates a sensitive gender more than then lack of active listening signals. Watch out for your eye contact as well.

7. Notice individual uniqueness. Use this to break the ice and to provide topics for conversation. Extend this to include common areas between the two of you.

As you walk out to meet and greet the next person, keep these keys in mind. They will help you to unlock the doors to positive communication and excel your relationships.

Communicate well. Live to Excel!

What Are The 10 Things You Must Do To Successfully Take The First Step To A Wonderful Relationship?

August 31, 2007

Today was another wonderful run of “Communication Between Men and Women: Exploring the Fine Art of He says, She Says” for the corporation. More sharing took place. It’s so much more fun and educational as the participants played an active role in the seminar’s success.

It’s often interesting to note that people are indeed curious about the opposite gender, yet seldom take the steps find out.

That eager moments before the big date saw you panicking and frantically wondering what to say. The inner thoughts start to go haywire and swim around your mind in a haphazard manner. Before long, it’s a series of negative images that keeps telling you, “you won’t impress, you won’t make it. You will fail… like before….”

Scary, isn’t it?

Just think, what if you do take time to find out more about the mysterious gender? What if you discover that the opposite gender is not that secretive after all? What if you know how to approach them or that person in the right and positive manner?

How much more good will it do for you? Lots of goodness, I must say.

In my private coaching and personal consultations with individuals, it is usually this first step that must always be taken and the inner barrier resolved first. The desire to learn more… about the opposite gender

Hence, what must you do then, in order to trod on the path to a wonderful relationship?

#1: You must develop the curiosity about the opposite gender. Cleverly curious, not drooling desperation here.

#2: You must be willing to let go of past paradigms that are ineffective. Here’s a hint, you’ll be surprised how things are not what they seemed to be… if you’re willing to let some of them go. Soon, you’ll discover that it’s not that mysterious.

#3: You must desire knowledge and discoveries about the opposite gender. It does require some studies. Work is needed. Talent is a bonus.

#4: You must notice the specific finer things about him or her that matters. Being hawk-eyed helps! A lot! You can do a lot more to improve relationships if you develop that keen sense of observation powers.

#5: You must be bold yet artful in your approach. Yup, a delicate balance here. A sense of how much is too much will take you a long way. And knowing a few tips to approaching that someone won’t hurt either.

#6: You must be willing to communicate with them. Hello… is a good start. Communication will open up doors for you. Effective communication, that is.

#6: You must be willing to laugh about any blunders that might happen in the course of relationship. So what if it doesn’t turn out the way it is. No big deal. Laugh it off, shrug it off, dust it off!

#7: You must be able to bounce back. Die hard and die harder applies here.

#8: You must stay positive, in personality and in outlook of life. Nobody wants to build a life-long relationship with a negative person who wallows in complains, criticism and grumblings.

#9: Ultimately, it accumulates to this: You must continuously learn and constantly improve yourself as a person. As more gender facts and relationships strategies are unearthed, you must keep upgrading yourself and be a better person. Besides merely learning, this action of yours actually makes you more attractive and appealing then ever.

It’s really your game. Your game to win if you want to. Take the first step. The first step to excel in your relationships. 🙂

How To Overcome Shyness When Talking To People?

August 30, 2007

Had a jolly great time at today’s talk at a major corporation. It was one of my most popular seminars, “Communication Between Men and Women: Exploring the Fine Art of He says, She Says”. I especially enjoyed it when my audience responded with the various cheeky answers that brought bouts of laughter throughout the whole room.

One of the topics I touched on was the shyness factor. Very often, being too shy prevents effective communication and expressions of intended information. It also forms a barrier when you want reach out to others to date certain people or build a relationship.

On the other hand, I am not advocating abrupt boldness, barging into a room full of people and yelling at the top of your voice, “Hey, you! Yes, you cutie. I want to go out with you! Come here!” Although that might work sometimes, I am more for a balance and some awareness of what the situation demands.

Nonetheless, here are some thoughts on how to overcome shyness when talking to people.

1) Know that shyness is actually unnatural. When we were born a baby, we didn’t have a care about our nakedness or do we hide our wants for milk, for attention and affection. Shyness as a trait is acquired in our later growing days. It’s not something we are born with. So we don’t have to shy really, it’s not a natural part of us.

2) Understand that shyness is more of a play of your own mind, than the fact out there. Our mind often ‘play tricks’ on us, it can make us imagine things to be worse than what it really is. Get a grip of it. Shatter it’s myth and take control of your reality. Commit to push whatever images of ‘shyness’ out of your mind and replace it with a positive play of the outcome.

3) Create instant impact. There is power in approaching people instantly. It makes you look confident. Gets things going. And most of all, it does not allow you time to be shy.

4) Dress up to be your best. Your attire and dress does have the ability to make you feel confident. Once you look elegant, crisp and sharp, your natural confidence can also be brought out. The Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) concept of ‘anchoring’ applies here too. And you don’t even need to remind yourself that you are dressed to your best too. So why not let a no-brainer way puts you at your advantage?

5) Practice your approach often with different people. Get used to relating and communicating to others. There is no short cut to being competent here. Mere reading of articles here won’t turn you into a smootie smoochie. You’ve got to be the one doing your due diligence. (Drop me an email when you want additional easy and simple ways to effectively approach or open a conversation with others.)

Alright then, time to go off and prepare my next run of talk on gender communication. Will be back with more tips, strategies and ideas.

Meanwhile, excel more in your daily life. Cheers! 🙂

Why You Must Maximize The Power Of A Gaze

August 23, 2007

Last night was wonderful. The participants, although new to each other, were interactive and responsive. An interesting concept as in the making as they took part in the Speed Gazing Party.

At this social development function, I was the Guest Speaker to evaluate of their ‘gaze’ and present the session “Master Your Body Language”. We had a gregarious and fun time.

Ideas and tips were shared as much as possible with the hour. Some of the participants I spoke to after the event told me they enjoyed the easy to use flirting signals, Indicator of Interest (I.O.I.) and the Give and Take (G and T) methods.

In this context, a gaze is neither a quick glance nor a stare. An intentional blank stare into space doesn’t make the cut here either. It is an intended look into the eyes of another person that goes deep into the human psyche. It is essential to enhancing relationships in various forms, privately and publicly.

Why, then, is a gaze so important and essential in communication, making friends, building relationships, giving presentations and public speaking? What makes a gaze so powerful when well displayed?

1) It portrays confidence. Confidence must be there if you want others to trust you and follow your lead.

2) It reveals the character within. The famous saying, ‘eyes are the window to the soul’ tells all. You can look into the inner self of others as well as allow your positive traits and sincerity be known to others.

3) It connects people to you. The eyes are bridges to connection. The deeper you can connect, the better and stronger your relationship is.

4) It calms the mind and hearts of people. A simple smiling gaze bring peace and serenity to the other person. Used in various ways, it soothes the aching heart and the desperate desires.

5) It helps you get your message through effectively. This is the essence of communication. If your points and ideas don’t get through, why bother to communicate or relate?

6) It allows you to persuade and influence people much more easily. A well-placed look allows you to maximize your ability to change minds in your favor. It simply makes people believe you and take your words for it.

As you relate to the next person you meet or the next group of audience, do remember the power of a gaze. It’s essential for relationships and communication.

Look well. 😀 Be well to excel!

7 Undeniable Facts About Making Your Relationship Work

July 26, 2007

When I was in the taxi yesterday on my way to conduct a training, I overheard of the radio show some statistics about marriage. According to the ministry, there are more than 7000 divorce in this year alone and divorce rates are at the highest for the last 10 years.

Interesting, I thought to myself. Apparently, more and more husbands and wives are finding it harder to get along and live together. Of course, with every divorce and breakups, there are possible reasons as always. What we can know is that it’s no longer just a simple case of just being with each other, but more other factors come into play.

In my coaching, training and counseling work for individuals and couples, I am absolutely not surprised about the data that was presented over the radio program. There are signs around us that indicate this trend. Hence, this article about the undeniable facts about making your relationship work.

Fact #1: You can’t have a relationship, a real relationship, if you don’t communicate with each other. One way street is not the way to build relationship… unless it’s with yourself.

Fact #2: To accept the other person into your life, you have to open yourself up to that person. You have to meet and interact with that person. Living in emotional ivory tower simply isn’t going to work.

Fact #3: Relationships involves investing emotions, not just a mere list of “To Do”. You have to put in your feelings. Passion is like added spice to a bland dish, and so is shared intimacy to different degrees. Giving flowers or cards just because it’s a scheduled task on your organizer can only get you superficial gestures in return.

Fact #4: To build quality relationship, you have to willingly share good times and bad times with each other. Every time you are together, its in the ups or the downs of your life. Let it be shared with the worthy one. Fair weathered people not allowed here.

Fact#5: Being in a relationship does require you to both compromise sometimes. You will have to adjust to each other, making time and taking in differing viewpoints.

Each individual will end up shaping the other. Our life experiences and character will be infused within the lifestyle of the other. If no compromise is made, then it will be like a rock ramping against a brick. Never expect to be unchanged by someone you truly love.

Fact #6: To make it work long term, your values and beliefs must be accepted or the least, appreciated by each other. Otherwise, it will be full of turmoil within. A simple flutter of life’s waving hands and it will crumple.

Fact #7: Relationships involve changes and hence incur risk. Understand that everybody changes and nothing will always be the same. But you have to accept the risk as part of life and in relationship.

Yet the irony is, you can’t build a truly real relationship by being ‘safe’. Risk is sometimes what makes a relationship worth having and pursuing. It’s what makes relationships so alluring and beautiful.

Go on, strive to make it work. Make, not just your life, but also your relationship excel beyond excellence.